"Children need to fear their parents, or they'll run rings around them!" - Yeah, NO. Let's discuss.

“Children need to fear their parents, or else they’ll run rings around them”.

What can you say to someone who pulls this line (or something similar?).

Here’s 10 suggestions from me... You can pick and choose depending on your mood.

1. “Have you brushed up on your Attachment Theory lately? I heard it’s been going strong since, oh, about the 1950s. It’s amazing really. Children who feel safe, secure and loved by responsive parents stand the greatest chance of growing up to be resilient, independent, responsible and caring. Honestly. Who’d have thought it!”

2. “Can you point me to which part of the latest neuroscience research would support that comment?”

3. “Talk to me in detail about where you’re drawing your references from. I’d LOVE to hear more.”

4. “I understand that’s what people used to believe. It’s such a relief that we know more than that now.”

5. “I can’t agree with you there.”

6. “I don’t think I’ve ever come across a time in my life where fear helped me to feel safe and to learn - have you?”

7. “I’ve often wondered what makes people think that it’s necessary or ok to treat the most vulnerable people in our society with such contempt. We wouldn’t even make that comment about our pets. Can you help me understand?”

8. “No.”

9. “Sometimes I wonder if that belief is used to justify directing all our anger at our kids, and therefore not having to learn how to regulate ourselves or uncover new approaches. What do you think?”

10. *Backing away slowly and then running as fast as you can is also perfectly reasonable.*

The truth is... we’ve come a long way in our understanding of child development.

We KNOW that fear has no place in the life of a child.

Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and if they try, please feel free to hold them accountable to their words (if you can do so safely).

If we can challenge these kinds of old-school beliefs, we might just make a very big difference in the life of a child.

Categories: : Body Safety, Conscious Parenting, Respectful parenting, Protective Behaviours, Parenting